Bored at work


First day back at work (i'm a student programmer doing web dev stuff for now. it
changes a lot..) and they don't have enough tasks for me and my normal boss is
out sick so i guess i just get to sit here and be bored for the next 3 hours.
i mean hey i'm getting paid so i ain't complaining. But I am complaining because
dangit i need something to do. Maybe I'll work on some personal projects, IDK.
Or job hunting for the summer. That'd be a good idea. I already knocked a couple
of important things out of the way. But yeah, I can only refresh Hacker News so
many times before I can't anymore.

So, let's just take this opportunity to talk about weird life stuff. The Park
City project thing is still going very well. I mean it's just a web host. But
for a web host it's going very well. I haven't really messed around with it too
much as of late, kinda ran out of that extrodinary enthusiasm that i tend to
have with new projects. Now it's just a thing that I have to maintain. I still
need to look into an NNTP or other BBS-esque thing. Plus the library.

Yes, the Park City Library. It's kinda stalling because *I'm* kinda stalling.
Ever since I got sick I just haven't really cared enough to work on the backend
of it. And I can't even say I've been collecting my bookmarks either. I got the
frontend done at least, and I started a very broken and rudimentary backend.
Besides that I've mostly been sleeping (my sleep schedule is *wack*, yo) and
playing Fallout New Vegas.

Frankly, this sounds silly, but I'm almost wishing I just signed up for class
again. I know it's a terrible idea, at least until I get my financial/mental
health situation a bit more stabalized.

...actually, i could just *leave work early*. That's an option. I really want
to do that, I think. But let me type a little more.

Library career. Eeeeeh? Frankly I'm wondering how much of my engineering burn-
out was just due to that one specific poorly-managed project. And how much of
it is from me being tired of programming, and how much of it is just me wanting
a change in pace. I mean I'm not doing well in the engineering courses, and I'm
not sure if it's because I'm incapable of understanding the material, if it's
presented in a way that doesn't jive with me, if I just have too much on my
plate, ???

I was looking at internships and they aren't awful. I can do semiconductor
firms, I can do research labs, the options really aren't as bad as I had led
myself to believe. I love working on projects and solving things. And plus no
matter what I have to get the degree. And someone on Hacker News today tipped
me off to the possibility of MLIS degrees being, I dunno, *too* librarian?
Do I even want to be a librarian or do I just like the aesthetic of curating
stuff and helping people. Cuz' I'm doing a crappy job running my own library,
let's be clear there. Can't even manage my bookmarks library. All just unsorted.

Internships are supposed to be the try-before-you-buy option but you need to
have already bought before you can try. I really can't change my degree now, I'm
a senior now. 43 credit hours left, that's like three semesters. One of which
I'm squandering.

I'm sorry this has just become "viz vents about how much her life sucks" again
but dangit. I'm at a pretty big crossroads and I don't know what my options are,
if they're appealing, or if I'm making the right move. It wasn't like before
when I had a very clear path forwards. I can't continue doing what I've been
doing, my sanity and my grades can't handle any more. I genuinely don't know
what to do. Besides research more, I guess. It's one of the few things I'm good
at.

Phlrgh. Sorry for the downer post.